I wrote earlier about men my age who without explanation suddenly lose a lot of weight - see Hat Trick.  Women have been doing this for years, its called having a baby.  

Here is the problem.  During pregnancy women tend to eat more often and in greater quantities.  In terms of eating, and I do not believe I am alone here, we have established previously that I share certain characteristics with my dog, i.e. if I see you eating it makes me want to eat,  and the more you eat, the more I want to eat.  In that way you could call me a sympathetic eater, or just pathetic.

How are these two phenomenon related?  When I saw my wife eating more when she was pregnant, I, too, ate more.  When I gained a few pounds it was okay because she was gaining weight too.  Now here is the tricky part, even though she gained almost 30 pounds during the pregnancies, after a few hours of pain and strife, boom, she had lost 85% of it.  Then, in the aftermath of delivery, she was so busy being a mom she lost most of the rest of it in a few weeks.  

Unlike her, I had no signature event to lose the extra weight.  While I had not gained 30 lbs, what I had gained was much harder to come off, and in fact I do not believe it ever did.  You would think I learned after my first child, but with the stresses of parenthood, I did the same with the second.  Mind you,  I am not blaming my weight gain on our  having children, but when I look at the photographs of before and after those times, it likely was a contributing factor.

One final note, post-partum depression for men is a term that I just started to hear bantered about recently.  I think it is a real issue.  Although you are happy to have your child, it makes sense in the following ways:  1) you are suddenly faced with an enormous responsibility unlike any you have ever had before (especially with the first child) 2) you are likely severely sleep deprived especially if you are trying to share parenthood duties as much as possible with the mother and 3) you have lost (hopefully temporarily) the attention of your spouse that made this all possible.

Conclusion and advice for younger men:  During the pregnancy pass on the extra helpings of chicken wings dipped in blue cheese and instead, train like you are going to run a marathon in 9 months, because in many ways, you are.

Consumption:

Cheerios and skim milk
Grilled flank steak
Hummus
Grilled vegetables
Ratatouille
Half a protein drink
12 almonds
1 beer
Portobello grilled mushroom salad with gorgonzola cheese
Pistachios
Orange 

A friend of mine at work recently offered me a banana.  She was headed out of town and said it would go bad before she returned - plausible enough.  I like bananas and so I thanked her and accepted her gift.

I sat it on the edge of my desk.  At least three different times during the day I picked it up with the intention of eating it.  Perhaps because peeling is involved in eating a banana, each time I paused before doing so and asked myself, "Am I  hungry?"  Each time the answer was no.  Keep in mind that for me, this is a radical new question to ask myself in connection with eating.  The  odd thing to me is if I was not hungry, why did I pick up the banana in the first place?  Beyond the fact that it is yellow and therefore may have caught my eye, I have no good answer besides, because it was there.  I know people have used that answer for why they climbed high mountains or went to the moon, but this is not nearly as noble.  It seems to be a clear case of the subconscious mind at work.

Near the end of the day I became hungry and with thought and enjoyment I ate the banana.  In this case I am proud of noticing and resisting mindless eating earlier that day.  However, I realize there are many other times where the opposite happens.  Assuming that it takes me a little longer to become  fully awake in this world, in the short run this serves as a reminder to me that I should keep food out of my line of sight until mealtimes.

Consumption:

Honey Nut Cheerios with skim milk
Apple
Hummus
Grilled Vegetables
Ratatouille
Grilled flank steak
Pita bread
Protein drink
Brie and crackers
Orange
Frittata with vegetable and parmesan cheese
Chicken strips
Glass of white wine


Exercise:

None

I recently went to an out of town training for work.  The class was comprised of 30 random people from my company and I did not know any of them.  It was an all day class and in the early afternoon the instructor made a reference to something that happened in the 1980s AND THEN HE SAID, "You probably remember that?" and he seemed to be looking right at me.  I cautiously glanced to my left and right  to make sure my assumption was correct.  I am not sure I made any verbal response, but may have moved my head slightly to let him know he should move on.   After the focus of attention had passed I discretely looked around to confirm that indeed, I was the oldest one in the room.

Now this is a fairly new phenomenon for me.  I have worked in various large corporations over the past 20 years.  During that time I have gone from a young whipper-snapper to part of the gang.  Now, at the ripe age of 46, in various groupings, I find myself to be on the far end of the range.  

Maybe this particular group was not as random as it first seemed, after all the people in it had self selected for additional training.  In my career, I  have always valued learning new things or deepening my expertise in a particular subject.  However, maybe there becomes a point where acknowledging that you do not know everything becomes unseemly and having some grey hairs means you must present yourself as all knowing.  If so, I did not get that memo.

Certainly, there are people older than me at my company.  Older  people in positions of power, particularly if they are wise, seem natural.  I, however, am not in a position of power and so I have begun to feel like a bit of an out-lyer, the odd man out, or perhaps just odd.  I know the Buddha said to be where you are and one of the purposes of meditation is acceptance.  In the words of Gandhi, it appears I shall have to meditate more on this subject.

Consumption:

Yogurt
Fruit cup
Milk
Chicken and re-fried been quesadilla with cheese
4 crackers with brie
2 chicken and portabella mushroom sausages
Hummus
Side salad
Glass of white wine

Exercise:

Ran 25 minutes at a 10 minute mile pace

My Fitness Pal calculated I was 300 calories inside my daily goal after factoring in the exercise.

The other night I attended a gala for work honoring a very worthy organization's many years of achievements.  It was a very nice event with everyone dressed up and important dignitaries speechifying.  When I first arrived it was networking/cocktail hour.  Waiters were bringing around trays of glasses of wine and sparkling water.  I chose the water, thank you very much, and was grateful to have the healthy option.

Then at the main event we were all seated at tables.  Again we were offered wine and this time I accepted and over the course of the evening one glass became two.  I have become conscious that each alcoholic drink is about 150 calories, minimum, so two glasses becomes a significant portion of your daily calories.

During the speeches, dinner was brought out.  The first course was a salad, another healthy choice and I ate all of mine.  The dinner plate was baked quarter chicken in some type of sauce with mashed potatoes and asparagus.  Again, it was put in front of me, and I ate the whole thing, every bite except for this strange thing that may have once been a lemon and did not taste very good.

After a respectful interlude the waiters appeared again bringing plates with a slice of cheesecake for each guest.  There was a momentary dilemma where I could have nobly held up my hand and said no thanks, please pass me by and just watched the others eat their just desserts.  Instead I took the low road and allowed it to be placed in front of me.  Still, I could have ignored it, pretended it wasn't there, " What cheesecake, I do not see any cheesecake?"  Or further still, I could have just eaten one or two bites, to see what it tasted like and participate gamely with the others, "Oh, isn't this delicious cheesecake?"  Within a minute I was tucking in, enjoying every last bite of that cheesecake, even turning my fork on its side to better scrape up the last blueberry sauce that was on it.

1 slice of plain cheesecake equals 300 calories.  

We have a friend who is a nutrition expert.  He also happens to be a vegetarian and an avid runner.  He is in great shape.  I recall consulting him one time about some weight loss scheme I was considering and being surprised by his answer:  "A calorie, is a calorie, is a calorie."  His point was that when it comes to weight loss, it really does not matter if you eat fat or carbs.  The real question is how many calories do you consume in a day versus how many do you expend?  The answer to that basic math equation is the difference between gaining and losing weight or staying the same.  

Consumption:

Honey Nut Cheerios and Bran Chex Cereal with skim milk
Half a roast beef and brie sandwich
Cup of cabbage soup
Hummus and cucumbers with black olives
Bread and butter
Cheddar cheese and crackers
Apple
Chicken breast with Ginger
Cup of white rice
Brocoli
Two glasses of red wine

Exercise:

10 minutes of crunches and weigh lifting
10 minutes of rowing machine
30 minutes of running on treadmill at a 10 minute mile pace  

I attended the funeral today of a man I know through work.  I would not call us close friends, but we had worked together over the years and he was well respected in my industry.  At the funeral, the story was told about how ten years ago he had a heart issue.  As a result he became obsessed with his health including changing his diet, adding exercise and meditation.  Then, two years ago, out of the blue, he was diagnosed with lung cancer - never smoked a day in his life.  The moral of the story is that we are all going to die someday and while we like to think we are in control of it, we are not.  My grandfather, Papa Joe, used to say (about death), "If you are not ready, you better get ready."  This from a man who lived through a World War and made it to the ripe old age of 86.  His point was that you should get right with God because you never know when you might meet him.  Regardless of your religious beliefs, those seem like good words to live by.

At the funeral, they told about my friend's fascination with Vietnam and how he helped build schools there.  They also spoke about great love affair with his wife whom he met in college and was married to for 45 years.  He was very close with his family and they all respected his wise gentleness.  The story was told that right as he found out about the cancer, he learned that his daughter was pregnant with his second grandchild.  My friend was Jewish and he told his daughter that she would not be able to name the grandchild after him because he intended to meet the child and get to know him - and he did.  Sometimes we use the phrase, "live fully in the moment", so often it becomes a cliche.  In this case, however, my friend made the phrase new again.  Shalom and blessed be.

Consumption:

McDonald's sausage and cheese biscuit (450 calories)
Tuna bagel
pickle
cole-slaw
apple
steak
roasted potatoes
brocoli
Toasted wheat bread
Milk
Glass of white wine

Exercise:

One of the characters I admire most when it comes to controlling his temper is Albus Dumbledore from the Harry Potter books.  Dumbledore always stays calm and relaxed  and I would even say mannerly, even under the most extreme conditions - like dueling to the death with his arch-enemy, Voldemort.  I realize that Dumbledore is a fictional character and even then, there were reports that he was less controlled in his youth.

That said, my recent behavior has been pretty un-Dumbledore like.  I could plead that as the father of teenagers I have an excuse, except that is just when I need the most calm.  I spent many years trying to pretend that I did not get angry - that I was above anger.  On that front, my  recent outbursts could be considered progress.  The pretending is over.  What is not progress is shouting, using bad language and setting a bad example for those closest to me that I most want to positively influence.  

We get National Geographic magazine and I have recently been reading about a volcano in Africa that is very active.  There is a growing city nearby that is in constant danger of its blowing.  I think my anger is sometimes  like that volcano, with pressure building up underneath and sudden, unexpected eruptions.  I think my anger, although non-physical, can be just as destructive.  

I have been taught the best language to use in a confrontation is:

When you do X, I feel irritated/mad/angry.  I would prefer you to do Y. 

 I just have to remember to breathe deeply, use that language, especially when certain subjects are involved which I know ahead of time could be potential flash-points.  That, and ask myself often, what would Albus Dumbledore do?

Today I weighed 205 lbs which means I have lost another pound and nineteen total since the beginning of the year.

Consumption:

Honey nut Cheerios and Bran Chex cereal with skim milk
Potato soup 
Roastbeef and brie sandwich
1 piece of cheese pizza
Hummus and crackers 
Steak salad
Apple cider
Red grapes

Exercise:

Walked 4 miles at a brisk pace
Lifted weights and did crunches for 20 minutes

My Fitness Pal said the walking was worth 450 calories and therefore I was well inside my daily goal.


   

In the song Brick House by The Commodores, a mythical woman is described whose measurements are 36-24-36.  The song proclaims that set of measurements as a winning hand.  Apparently, that is what we, guys, are looking for in a woman, but  honestly it sounds like a lot of pressure to me.  I am not even sure that combination of measurements is possible except for Barbie and she  is made of plastic. 

Fortunately, guys do not have a similar set of measurements to live up to.  The closest we come to it  may be height, where 6 feet seems to be a minimum standard of manliness, but most of us have no control over our height unless we are willing to wear platform shoes.

Happily, one of my measurements recently changed.  For years, I have been wearing  size 38 waist pants.  As mentioned in my post, The Maginot Line, I was determined to never wear a size 40 waist even if it meant stuffing myself into a 38 from time to time.  As I have lost weight, all of my pants have grown baggy, primarily in the legs and butt, but some also in the waist.  Yesterday was my birthday, I turned 46.  For the occasion, my wife bought me a pair of khakis with a size 36 waist.  I must say that though I was grateful for the gift and her sentiment, I approached trying them on with some trepidation, like Charlie Brown approaching the football.  You see, over these years of wearing a size 38, which I hated, from time to time I would try on pants with a smaller waist, hoping against hope that they would fit.  Each time, I would have to admit defeat and suffer the shame and humiliation that came along with it, even if it was in the privacy of a dressing room.  

So on Saturday, I felt nervous as I pulled the pants on over my legs and hips.  With determination I grabbed the two sides and pulled towards the middle.  Then miracle of miracle, the button went through the button hole AND I could still breathe.  I zipped them up, wiggled myself about and my wife actually pronounced them to be a little baggy.  I may never take them off again.  I realize that 36 is part of the mythical sequence of 36-24-36.  Okay, maybe the waist was not meant to be 36 in that set of numbers, but either way, I feel like a brickhouse!

Consumption:

Cornflakes and Bran Chex cereal with skim milk
Four slices of cheddar cheese and 5 ritz crackers
A can of tuna with mayo and olives
Bowtie pasta with olives and peanuts
Apple
Red grapes
Breaded chicken breast cooked in olive oi
Side salad
2 pieces of corn on the cob
Glass of milk

Exercise:

1 hour of yoga

Tonight I tried contra dancing for the first time.  It was a blast.  There were lots of times where I was completely lost and felt like a fool, but then some kind stranger would shout instructions and get me going back in the right direction.  The strange thing about that kind of dancing is you dance with multiple partners and have to adjust your style slightly for each one.  Some dancers were old and seemingly fragile.  Others were demure and some were pushy.  I liked the music and the challenge of trying to figure it out.  I had heard that it would make me sweat and this was true.  I needed to towel off between each dance - sorry partners.  There was not a exact match on My Fitness Pal.  The closest was line dancing and for two hours it shows a calorie burn of over 800 calories.  Based on the amount of sweat produced, I would say that was in the ballpark.  In addition to being fun, it is a legitimate aerobic exercise - so get out there and contra.

Consumption:

Cereal with skim milk
Banana
Chicken pesto sandwich
Half a steak burrito
Chips and salsa with guacamole
Beer

Exercise:

Two hours of contra dancing

I was significantly below my calorie goal for the day after factoring in the dancing.

At one of my mom's class reunions she saw an old friend who was overweight.  His body was breaking down and he was having a hard time moving around.  Clearly frustrated with his situation, he asked his friends who are the same age, "How did I get like this?"  The answer sounds cold hearted, but I can say it because I suffer from the same affliction, "One bite at a time."  It's like the old question "How do you eat an elephant?" except that its "How do you become overweight?"  A better answer might be one mindless bite at a time when we eat more that we need to sustain ourselves at a healthy level.  The harder question, one that has occupied wiser men than me, is why to we do unto ourselves that which is harmful?  The answer to that question  is not easy. I ask myself how I went twenty years of my life, really my prime health years, carrying too much weight and feeling embarrassed to take my shirt off?  I do not think it is too late though, not for me or for my mom's friend.  It feels really good to have lost 18 lbs.  It feels like a solid achievement and I am ready to lose some more.  Although the bad habits and patterns are not easy to change, I am starting to believe that they can be, one mindful bite at a time.

Consumption:

Apple cinnamon Cheerios and Bran Chex cereal with skim milk
Banana
Chicken pesto sandwich,
Cup of Pepper and lentil soup
Chopped apple with blue cheese
Orange
Cup of chicken fried rice
red grapes
6 slices of cheddar cheese and ritz crackers
Apple
Apple cider

Exercise:

None