I watched the movie, Rocky VI (Known as Rocky Balboa) and I am not ashamed to admit it. You see, I came of age during the original Rocky movie. I remember my friend Scott A. and I going home after the movie so pumped up we tried to drink raw eggs. I guess we were not that pumped up. Any who. True, none of the other follow up movies quite met the original's standards, but it was always satisfying to see his fighting spirit get worked up. The last one interested me because so much time had passed and he was confronting some of the realities of older age. Once again, he fought an exhibition match that went too far. As I surmised, it was rewarding to me to see the old guy could still give and receive a punch.
I think the series has run its course, but if there was another one, I think I know what it would be about. Picture Rocky sitting alone in a bar nursing his beer. This time the action would all take place in his mind: "I should have taken Apollo Creed in 4 rounds", "What would have happened if I had worked harder in school and gone to college?" "The young boxers today are making more money" "My arms are starting to look flabby" or "Is that twinge in my chest from lifting a box yesterday or could it be something more serious?" When you think about it, all the Rocky movies were this way. For all of us, our biggest battles are for control of our own minds.
Yesterday I ran to work which is not something I normally do. It is about 4 miles, which is on the outer edge of what I do these days (typically run 2-3 miles). A significant portion of the run is down hill, still I knew it was a bit of a push for me. That is why I felt dismayed a third of the way into the run (and after the downhill portion was over) when a police officer turned me back. There had been an "incident" up ahead and the way was closed for car and foot traffic.
That meant I had to turn around and run part way back up the hill, and then find a new way to get to workt which would inevitably be further. The whole thing threw me off enough that I thought about stopping, actually considered it several times. But I kept "running", not moving fast and adjusting along the way to think of a new route. I was not sure about the one I settled on. I realized there was a possibility I could be turned away at the river. If that had happened, I probably would have given up. My body was rebelling against the extra activity. It hurt and I wondered if I was pushing myself too much. "What are you doing it seemed to be saying?" "This is outside of our agreement and not what I signed up for!"
As I started across the bridge I noticed the water below looked beautiful and I thought this new way might be okay. I was about halfway across when I noticed him, a blue heron slowly rising up to take flight. His wingspan fully unfurled must have been about 5'11" and with power and grace he moved about 100 yards up the river before settling back down again. As commuter drove hurriedly to work beside me in their cars, I believe I was the only one to notice it, a gift just for me. AAAddddrrrrriiiiiaaaaannnnn!!!!!!!
About 60 days ago, I started riding my bike to and from work several days a week. Before you start thinking I am some kind of iron man, I need to confess that I only live about 4 miles from work - there have been a few mornings where I have walked one way to work and a couple of afternoons when I have "run" home. Also, unlike some of my neighbors, I am a fair weather rider which means I do not ride when it is too cold, wet, or dark. I am also a stickler for safety and I will go out of my way to avoid as many risks as possible. I am vaguely aware of the physics involved when someone driving a car hits someone riding a bike, and want to make sure that does not happen to me. Still, compared to riding the metro, which is my other main alternative, it provides a mild form of exercise for about 40 minutes per day - I have to work my way through and around some traffic. Especially on my way home, there are 3 or 4 significant hills where I have to "pop" out of my seat in order to keep making progress, which definitely sends my heart racing. More important, I like it better than riding the train where I am often crammed into a tight space with too many people. I like being outside, seeing what is going on, hearing the noises and smelling the air. Although I have only driven my car a few times to work, I know I like biking better than driving. I live in a major city with heavy car traffic. There are many times on my bike where I am going faster than the cars around me. I never get stuck in traffic because if one way is busy or blocked I just go another way. When I get to work on my bike, I cruise into the garage and lock it up at the bike stand - avoiding the $15 per day cost of parking a car. Tonight, after I rode my bike home from work, I changed my shoes and went to play tennis with my friend. Come to think of it, maybe I am an Iron Man...
I had lunch today with a male friend I know through work. We had covered several work related topics when the conversation turned more personal. From other conversations we have had in the past, I know my friend, like me, struggles with weight gain and loss. I asked him how it was going. He said he was having a difficult time at the moment finding time for regular exercise. We discussed emotional eating and admitted we both did it, especially at the end of the day. I told him what I had been doing this year with my blog. Our conclusion was that losing weight is hard.
On one hand the conversation was perfectly normal, but in a way it was unusual. Men do not often talk about areas of weakness with each other. We generally avoid being vulnerable to criticism or teasing. I am not sure what my friend and I accomplished with our conversation, but I know I felt supported, encouraged and trusted. And while we did talk about what we like to do for exercise, we did not talk about sports once, although I did recently watch some women's tennis...
Today I went running outside in the afternoon. It was only two miles and a route I started doing last fall. I remember back then my pace was slow and sometimes it was difficult to finish. Over the winter I did regular running on the treadmill and worked my way up to running for 30 minutes at a less than 10 minute a mile pace. During that time I lost 16 lbs. The point is that when I ran today I was able to run the old route faster and had noticeably more energy than I did last fall. It feels good to my measure progress in this way.
One other point that is worth mentioning. Before I started my run today, I ran into a man on the street with whom I used to work. He was not my direct boss, but he ran the group in which I previously worked. When I worked for that group I found him to be intimidating and a call from his assistant that he was on the line could send a shiver down my spine. Today, however, because I changed jobs in my company, he no longer has any direct authority over me. While I still felt respectful of him due to his age and because of his prestige in my industry, today I did not feel any fear. I realize lots of people, including myself, especially a couple of years ago when the economy was at its worst, were fearful about losing their job, and he had the power to make that happen. Nevertheless, today it was clear to me that he is just another man. Looking back, it makes me wonder who else in my life am I giving undue amounts of power?
Does anyone take vacation anymore? At my company we have Paid Time Off, which everyone refers to as PTO. It does not have the same ring to it at all as a vacation. Vacation conveys you are doing something different, something you earned by working hard, exotic maybe, but pleasurable and fun for sure. PTO does not sound fun at all. With the term PTO the company is subtly reminding you that you work for them and your leisure is at their discretion, more like charity provided by them that might need to be paid back.
I just took some vacation time with my family at the beach and it was both pleasurable and fun. It was time measured by the following accomplishments: watching silly movies with my son and brother-in-law, swimming in the ocean every day, playing hide and seek with my 6 year old nephew, laughing and telling family stories, playing tennis, playing horseshoes with my daughter, and yes, eating fried seafood and having ice-cream twice at the DQ. Did I fall off the wagon on vacation? Yes, a little bit, but not too much. A saving grace was the local fruit and vegetable stands where blueberries and strawberries were coming in.
And yes, I went back to work today, Paid Time On, which sounds much better. And yes, I know it is time to go back to more disciplined eating and exercise habits in orto start moving forward again towards my goal. But I do so, still feeling happy, tanned and rested from my vacation.
My current weight is 208 lbs. As you may recall, I had gotten as low as 205 with my eye on 200 when I stalled out an bounced back a little bit. I have been at this level for about 6 weeks. What is going on here? Apparently, not much toward my goal. I do feel good to have lost 16 lbs since the beginning of the year. I like the way that it looks and feels as well as the positive reinforcement that I have received. That may be part of the problem. The question is am I content being here or do I have the courage to press forward? I read tonight a little bit about the Steppes of Russia, a great plains of grassland that offers little protection and can literally swallow you up like the sea (see German Army). The pictures of it I saw look lovely, but what my eye was drawn to was the mountains I see looming up ahead. I do not want my efforts this year to be swallowed by stagnation. I think in this unprotected place there is great danger of slipping back into my old habits. This has been a place of great beauty and I have rested here awhile, but now it is time to press ahead before winter sets in. Consumption: Raisin bran and Bran Chex cereal with skim milk Cup of blueberries 12 almonds banana Tuna wrap Potato chips fruit popsicle Steak salad Glass of red wine Brownie Exercise: 1 hour of doubles tennis (burned 450 calories)
My Fitness Pal calculated I was within my calorie goal after countin
Unlike most guys, I do not watch a lot of sports on TV or even generally read the sports section of the newspaper. It is probably not the best move for me business-wise and can lead to awkward lulls in my conversations with other men..."um, are they in the National League?"
Still, just being alive in the world, bits and pieces do filter through. One of the ideas I think I have gotten is to protect my house, as in basketball when you say, "don't go bringing that stuff into my house!" Then one, presumably, goes about protecting one's "house" as though a robber or some very bad person is trying to get in and your very life and the lives of the ones you love may depend on keeping them out. Keeping on my theme that my body is my home, my house, then I need to protect it from bad, unhealthy things getting in, like processed food, or food high in sugar and/or fat, or too much food or alcohol. Likewise, I need to keep my body strong and ready for combat by regular, vigorous exercise, and avoid foolish mistakes like leaving the back door open or the key under the mat (maybe I will just have a handful of chocolates...). Yeah man, get out of my face!!! Don't go bringing that stuff into my house! I think I am getting the hang of it.
Consumption:
Raisin bread french toast with syrup
Apple and blueberries
24 almonds
Black bean "burger" with guacamole
Cup of southwestern soup with peppers
Beer and a half
cup of clam chowder
Caesar salad
Cheddar cheese with crackers
Exercise:
None
I traveled much of this week for work. As usual, there were some over-indulgences: many rich restaurant meals, more alcohol and desserts than usual. On the whole though, I did better than other times when I have been in a similar situation. For several of the meals I made food healthy choices and ate moderate amounts, especially at breakfast and lunch. The best thing I did was to exercise every day, even if it was for not as long as I usually do at home. My body thanked me for that because otherwise, I was sitting in a lot of meetings. While there were many enjoyable aspects about my trip including seeing family and friends, as Dorothy said, there is no place like home.
Tonight I look forward to sleeping in my own bed. I do not tend to sleep well in hotels away from my family. I like the routines of being at home: eating my cereal while I read the paper, lunch at a familiar place I choose, dinner with my family. Within the more regular routines of being at home I can more easily make healthy diet and exercise choices. I like that my home base is a place for being healthy, like in meditation when you notice your stray thoughts, but you come back again and again to a centered, peaceful place. Jiggity Jig.
As a husband and father of two teenagers, it is exceedingly rare that I find myself at home alone. Due to various schedules and agendas, tonight was one of those. What does one do without having to consider the wishes or needs of others? In my case, unobserved, I moved in on the remains of a candy box given to our family by a friend. The logic used was, once they are eaten they will be gone and therefore, no longer a temptation. Then it was time for the requisite dumb movie which was helped along by a chocolate milkshake. But after that, feeding if you will, there was some need for balance and order, so I cleaned the kitchen. Maybe there is something there worth observing, a need to put my needs first more often, or a better defense of boundaries, would lessen the need to over-compensate (or consume) or at least make it less frantic. Consumption: Cheerios and Raisin Bran with skim milk 24 almonds Hummus Grilled lamb ratatouille bread Chicken kabob rice Crackers Milk 6 pieces of chocolate candy chocolate milkshake Tostidos Exercise: Lifted weights for 10 minutes 10 minutes of rowing machine 30 minutes of running on treadmill - 10 minute miles
My Fitness Pal calculated that I was at my calorie goal after considering the exercise.
A friend and I once talked about alcoholism. I remember him saying that alcoholics are often very intelligent people. They have such faith in their intellect, on which they otherwise are able to rely, that they are confident they can "out-smart" the drinking and therefore can have just one drink. Of course we know that, for an alcoholic, one drink leads to another and another. The "solution" for those with that particular addiction, if they can do it, is to never drink alcohol again. Over-eating is similar in that, it, too, is a powerful addiction. Like the alcoholic, we over-eaters often think we can out-smart the disease. Unfortunately, choosing to stop eating is not a option. Therefore, whether we like it or not, we are confronted with food choices several times a day and often find ourselves in social situations where overeating is tacitly encouraged and supported, think Superbowl or office party. A few years ago, I went to several Overeaters Anonymous meetings near my house. I live in an urban area and when I looked into it, I was surprised to learn there were meetings happening all around me at convenient times. From what I have seen on TV, the meetings were run like Alcoholic Anonymous meetings. There were opening words of encouragement read from a book. Everyone checked in and was encouraged to share their story. Another surprise for me was I had imagined everyone there would be enormously over-weight. Although like Weight Watchers, the majority were women, we were a variety of shapes and sizes, not unlike the general population. While it was helpful for me to hear others stories of struggles and successes and to realize that many people share this same pathology, whether they choose to acknowledge it or not; ultimately, I stopped going. Part of each meeting acknowledged a higher power and that there were things outside of our control. While I do not quibble with that notion, I am not ready to concede that what and how much I eat is one of them. Besides, I still think I can out-smart this... Consumption: Raisin Bran and Honey Nut Cheerios with skim milk 12 almonds 3/4 Tuna Melt sandwich Snapple raspberry tea Roast, potatoes and gravy 3 slices of cheddar cheese with crackers fruit popsicle Two pieces of chocolate Exercise: Rode bike for 20 minutes
My Fitness Pal calculated I was inside of my daily cal
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