For those of you with a psychological bent, it is time for me to come clean:  I was a colicky baby.  Its true, for the first several months of my life I cried and cried because my stomach was upset and I could not really satisfy myself with food and/or had an upset stomach.  Worse, and perhaps related, I was not breastfed.  I know from observing my own children as infants, when they were hungry or upset it was serious business, and any delay was cause for frantic hysterics.  We used to call it pit bull behavior the way they would attack the breast in an effort to satisfy themselves.  Therefore, it is plausible to me that it is rooted deep in my psyche that when I start to feel upset or hunger, I turn to food as comfort and it may contribute to my overeating.  It would be interesting to know if anyone has ever researched to determine if there is a connection between colicky babies becoming future adult overeaters.  Then again, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Consumption:

Oatmeal with walnuts
25 almonds
Flank steak Thai salad
Apple
Chicken kabob
Rice
Bread
Hummus
Milk

Exercise:

None

My Fitness Pal indicates this food was approximately 1900 calories – right on target.

By losing 10 lbs I have started to see/feel some body changes that I mostly like.  Apparently, the first places that I lose weight are in my face, my legs and my buttocks.  People close to me have noticed a couple of new angles in my face.  It is probably more accurate to say an extra poofy place has come back in some.  Hey, I will take what I can get.  I have a favorite brand of dress pants called Louis Raphael.  They fit me well and I have several pairs of them – different colors and styles.  Lately, my legs have felt smaller inside the pants legs.  This is true in the butt area as well.  A week or so ago when I posed the question “What will be left behind?”,  apparently, in my case the answer is not much behind.  Oh well, sacrifices must be made.

The whole situation is making me remember an episode of Sex in the City.  Samantha starts making it with a rich old guy.  She has almost convinced herself  that its worth it because he gives her lots of nice presents, but she always makes him turn out all the lights.  They whole thing comes crashing down one night when she accidently spies him on the way to the bathroom and sees his wrinkly ass.  At least in my case I am not rich or old.

Consumption:

Toasted English muffin with peanut butter
25 almonds
Turkey sandwich on wheat with bacon and avocado (half a restaurant sized sandwich)
Roast pork
Cole slaw
Grapefruit
Cheese and four crackers
Popcorn

Exercise:

Ran 25 minutes – 10 minute miles
Rowing machine 8 minutes
Lifted weights 10 minutes

I know that for me, stress plays a big role in my overeating.  I started a new job this past fall and struggled to come up the learning curve and “establish” myself.  I suppose in an effort to “sooth” my internal world, I stuffed myself silly.  Its hard to analyze my actions rationally.  I think the “thought” process was, this tastes good, this feels good (at least at first), I can control this, therefore, I am going to do it.  During that time I was also working some late hours and so my exercise routine often was sacrificed as well – a bad combination.  The result was a weight high point just before Christmas at 224 lbs.  Logically, I realize that overeating is a bad coping mechanism for stress.  I also realize that exercise would be a much more healthy approach to managing stress if I can just make it my  priority.  I understand that our President works out for about an hour a day up to 5 days a week.  I know my job is not quite that stressful or important  as his, so I will try and follow his example.

Food:
Cheerios and bran chex cereal in milk
25 almonds
Cup of Thai soup- coconut milk
Breadstick
Roast pork
Coleslaw
Brie and crackers
1 Beer

Exercise:

None

My Fitness Pal calculated I consumed 2036 calories – 136 over my daily goal.

Many people, myself included, when they think about losing weight, gravitate towards exercising more.  Instinctually, we know that as we age, we slow down and we are not nearly as active as when we were younger.  I think of myself as an athlete, and therefore, it is intuitive to me that if I want to lose weight I need to burn more calories.  Besides that, it is just more fun to exercise than to think of limiting my caloric intake (boring and hard).  But experience has taught me that although helpful, exercise alone is not going to get me where I need to go. 

If you have ever worked out on a machine like a treadmill or stationary bicycle, you too may have been amazed to see how hard you have to work to burn 300 calories.  I am usually well into my workout and starting to think about it being over by the time I cross that threshold, if I even do.  Contrast that amount of effort with drinking a Coke or eating a bag of potato chips, where you can quickly consume 300 empty calories.

My neighbor is into running marathons.  While I do not have a strong desire to try that, I do know that running is one of the more efficient ways to burn calories.  However, one of the things I have noticed about myself, is that when I start to exercise more, I usually start eating more as well.  I do that because I feel I have “earned” the right to eat more calories or less healthy food, which mitigates, if not totally offsets the positive effect from exercising.  While I know I could lose weight if I trained for a marathon, I wonder what would happen to me after the race was over, I got injured or as I grow older and can not run as much? 

I am not knocking exercise, it makes me feel great and it is an important part of my current plan to lose weight and be more healthy.  This time, however, my plan is based on eating a more healthy amount of good food (portion control) and supplementing it all with exercise.

About five years ago I did a sprint triathlon with my sister in Massachusetts.  I had trained for the race somewhat half-heartedly ahead of time, relying on the fact that I had completed a similar race four years earlier (with much more training).  I was able to complete it, but when I looked at the photographs of myself afterwards, I really did not like how I looked.  Besides the aesthetics, objectively, I looked too heavy to have been in that race.  In hindsight, I think I pushed myself too hard for the shape I was in and it was dangerous. 

Note to self, its probably a better idea to do what I am doing now, focusing on diet supplemented by exercise, until I get to a more healthy weight level.  Once I reach that point, then I can consider if I want to train for another race.

Last, I got on the scale again today.  Result – weight 214 lbs, a loss of 5 lbs since Monday a week ago and 10 lbs since I began this effort.  I am very happy about this result AND I realize that this pace of loss is going to inevitably slow down.

Consumption:

Honeynut Cheerios and Bran Chex with milk
25 almonds
A turkey on wheat bread sandwich with bacon and avocado
Breaded chicken cooked in olive oil
Steamed Broccoli
Apple
4 crackers  with brie cheese

Exercise:

Ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill
Rowing machine for 7 minutes
10 minutes of weightlifting

My Fitness Pal calculated I consumed 2100 calories which is 200 above my goal, but exercise gave me 500 extra, so I was 300 calories below the target.

About my endeavor a wise man once said,  “it is a good start, let’s see.”  That wisdom is based on the knowledge that many human endeavors founder as the initial enthusiasm wears off.  Certainly, New Year’s resolutions (like mine) are fraught with this type of peril and often come to an end within 2 or 3 weeks.   I humbly realize that the chances of my success are directly related to my ability to consistently apply my chosen methods for weight loss over a long period of time, as in the rest of my life.  When I do My Fitness Pal entry’s it converts a day’s worth of eating into a message like “if you keep eating the way you did today in 5 weeks you will weigh X.”  I have to admit the first time I saw that message I felt mighty disappointed.  The program generally aims to have you lose a healthy 1 lb per week.  Although the message was meant to be encouraging, when I saw only 5 lbs in 5 weeks, I panicked, thinking “how can I do this?”  The weight of the task felt too heavy and I thought, “how can I ever make it that far?”  I am an American and therefore I want, I demand, instant gratification.  Never mind that it took 26 years to gain this extra weight – I want it all gone in 2 or 3 weeks.  As I tried to regroup, I thought what if I think about it in terms of trying to run a marathon.  In that analogy, I have just passed the 0.5 mark with 25.7 more miles to go.  As the wise man said, “it is a good start, let’s see.”

Consumption:

Honey Nut Cheerios and Bran Chex with milk
1 bran muffin
Orange
Apple
Tuna sandwich made with an English muffin
2 carrots
1 glass of milk
Caesar salad with grilled salmon
Two flatbread crackers with brie
Sunflower seeds

Exercise:

None

My Fitness Pal calculated this food at 2000 calories, 100 over my goal.

Once, before we had children, we went on a vacation to France.  We took our bicycles and toured around the countryside with our friends.  I highly recommend it.  The nice thing about traveling on bikes is that, on a whim, you can go explore whatever interests you.  One driveway we turned down advertised wine and foie gras.  If you have not had the pleasure, foie gras is goose liver and is considered to be a delicacy.  We saw a small pen containing geese.  From what I understand, the geese are overfed and not allowed to move around very much until their livers become enlarged from trying to process their rich diet.  Is this starting to sound familiar?  Think of Americans like myself working in small offices or cubicles and sitting.  Think of us eating way more of a diet of rich food than we need.  Can you say, early onset diabetes?  Pate anyone?  Pass the crackers.

In ice hockey a hat trick is when one player scores three goals in one game, a feat so rare and exciting that the crowd throws their hats onto the ice in appreciation.  Some of the middle-aged men I know are pulling off a different type of hat trick these days.  When you are overweight like me, part of understanding your place in this world is yes, by comparing yourself to others.  There, I said it.  I know that that type of behavior is not what spiritual leaders say leads to true happiness, but it has worked for me so far.  For me it takes the form of “Yeah, I am a  little heavy, but so is so and so” or “At least I am not as heavy as X.”  Unfortunately, at this point in America’s history, I do not have to look far to find others as heavy as me or heavier.  It is the whole danger of relativism and it can lead to communism or something. 

Here comes the hat trick.  Lately, it seems that a few of my “friends”, beacons who I have always counted on to feel okay about my extra weight, have suddenly lost theirs.  What is going on?  One nice day this fall I am walking my dog past the park when I see a man I know throwing Frisbee with his son, WITHOUT HIS SHIRT ON!!!  I can tell you,  self respecting fat guys like me do NOT go around in public without a shirt on if they can help it.  It would take some kind of National Emergency or  else you find yourself in a no alternative situation, like at a public pool with your family or something. 

Not only does “Bob” as we will call him, have his shirt off, but he looks terrific.  I later hear from my wife who hears from his wife that “Bob decided to lose weight” and “started running more.”  That is the frustrating thing.  None of these guys gives a satisfactory explanation for how they pull it off.  Another neighbor is Exhibit B, we will call him “Ted”.  “Ted” lost significant weight.  When I asked him how he did it he said, “I stopped eating for two.”  Sure, I understand that eating less will make a difference, but if it was that easy to “stop” how did we all get overweight in the first place?  Last, I will mention “Milo” a friend who “stopped drinking soda” and “started doing a yoga routine every morning in front of the TV before work”.  I am sorry, but I had to give up sodas years ago, so that is not going to work for me.  My problem is that all the explanations sound too simple, and yet, these guys and many more have suddenly lost weight.   The real problem is they have now disrupted my world order and okay, I will admit it, I am jealous.  What is left for me to do, but try and pull a hat trick of my own?  Oh, and when I do, and people ask me how I did it, I think I will say “I started walking to the metro instead of driving.”

Consumption:

2 egg vegetable omelet with black olives and feta cheese
Two pieces of string cheese
2 carrots
Orange
Half a grapefruit
Sweet potato with sour crème
Large Caesar salad with grilled Portobello mushroom
1 Beer
2 ritz crackers with cheddar cheese
1 glass of milk

Exercise

30 minutes of Eliptical machine
10 minutes of weights


My Fitness Pal says I consumed just under my goal of 1900 calories, but I earned almost 300 more based on my exercise.

I remember seeing a neighbor wearing a T-shirt that on the front said, “Exercise, Eat Healthy”. On the back it said, “Die Anyway”.  The shirt made me laugh because it spoke a painful truth.  No matter how healthy we are, we are going to get old and die.  Moreover, none of us knows how long we are going to live.  Therefore, is it worth the effort to eat healthy food, limit our intake, exercise, or take vitamins?  I might have gotten the answer.  A friend wrote me recently to encourage my efforts.  She is generally a pretty healthy person, I believe she is a vegetarian.  But she said during certain periods of her life she had really concentrated on eating very healthy food and exercising.  She said that during those times, her body felt amazingly good.   I was recently reminded of the opposite possibility.  I had a drippy cold and I remembered how terrible it is to be sick, how it narrows the world and really limits what you can enjoy.  It is true that even if we are lucky, we will get old, probably experience sickness and then die.  But while we are still here, while we still have a healthy body, why not try to feel as good as possible for as much as we can?

Consumption:
Banana
25 almonds
Chicken pesto sandwich
Breaded chicken breast fried in olive oil
Baked potato pieces
Salad with olive oil dressing, feta and black olives
2 glasses of Champagne

Exercise:

None

My Fitness Pal indicated that equaled  1,386 calories, significantly below my daily allotment of 1,900.    I had a doctor’s appointment today so I could not eat until about noon.

You know who you are.  If you have ever said, “I eat and eat, but I can never gain any weight” or “nothing sticks to my ribs” then you are one of those people with a naturally high metabolism or maybe you have a really good on and off switch that tells your body when you are full.  I have neither, although I have lived much of my life as though it were otherwise.  I envy you.  The one advantage that even though I have  tried to delude myself I always knew it was not true.  I can see that some people  who were that way when they were younger and then it changes for them as they age may have a hard time making the adjustment, but I still do not feel sorry for you.

I remember as a young boy going with my family to an "all you can eat" seafood restaurant at the beach.  A person like me and an "all you can eat buffet" are not a good combination.  Unfettered, I would eat until I literally made myself sick, which I have done often in my life and been in real pain as a result.  As I grew older and a little bit wiser, those times happened less frequently.   But still, it is unsafe to leave me alone with a bag of Reese’s or a box of piping hot Krispy Kreme doughnuts.  I remember the character Leo McGarry on The West Wing explaining to someone about his alcoholism: he said, “Why would you ever stop after one drink?”  That sentiment expresses my historic relationship with food.

In the book, The End of Overeating, by David Kessler, MD, he suggests that sugar, fat and salt act as triggers to make certain people like me want to eat more, regardless of hunger.  Right now I am trying to avoid those foods as much as possible in an effort to wean myself from food craving.  When I think back on it, I never ate carrots or celery to the point I felt sick.  I think I am off to a good start and we will see how it goes.

Consumption:

Wheat chex  and Honey Nut Cheerios cereal with skim milk
Half a grapefruit
20 almonds
Chicken tortilla soup
Cheese Breadstick
Apple
2 chicken sausages
Carrot
1 piece of bread with butter
Popcorn with salt and butter
1 glass of red wine

Exercise:

Eliptical Machine for 25 minutes
Rowing Maching for 5 minutes
Weight Lifting for 10 minutes
Crunches for 2 minutes

I know it is presumptuous of me, but I have allowed myself to fantasize about what it will feel like/be like when I have reached my goal weight – 178 lbs.  That seems so far away right now and it has been so long since I weighed 178 lbs that it is not easy to imagine.  The last time I weighed that much (or that little), I was a young man not long out of high school.  I know I cannot go back to being that person, nor do I want to.  I will still be a 45 year old man, realistically 46 before I reach my goal.  My fantasy ranges from being a super buff guy to being a bag of bones with saggy, wrinkly skin.  Reality, will likely be some of both, but I will definitely be more healthy.  Part of my fantasy is that losing weight will solve all of my problems.  Apparently, that is not the case.  A friend forwarded an article recently by a woman who had lost a lot of weight and kept it off.  She acknowledged that by controlling her eating, she had stripped away a safety net, a soothing mechanism that had allowed her to co-exist with her problems.  Without it, she was more likely to address her problems, which she acknowledged was not an easy thing to do.  On a positive note, she said that by successfully achieving an important goal, had given her more confidence to address things that needed to be addressed.  Her conclusion was that even though it is hard, it is worth it to throw away the pacifier.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/12/07/AR2010120702271.html

Consumption:

Bowl of oatmeal
Half a banana
5 strawberries
¼ cup raisins
¼  cup walnuts
Half a grapefruit
Chicken Pesto Sandwich
Apple
10 almonds
Half cup of taco meat
Lettuce
Two tablespoons of cheese
Tablespoon of sour creme
Tostido Chips – 10

Exercise

Ran 30 minutes on the treadmill – 11 minute miles
10 minutes of weights

My Fitness Pal said my food was 1708 calories and exercise gave me 400 extra calories, so I was significantly under.